I remember the day well, as most of us do. Rumors circulated of a YU boy testing positive for the COVID-19 virus before it was finally confirmed. What ensued next was a wave of uncertainty, as school began to shut down and restrictions were set in place. Life was changing rapidly, and it was something that we were not used to. Initially, the lack of structure in my day left me feeling lost — like I didn’t know what to do with my time. I told myself that I could be productive and get ahead on my classwork. But for the life of me I could not seem to focus on anything. It led to this heavy frustration that befell me as I searched for the way to make it through such uncertain times. I was angry at myself and I was confused over what was happening with the world. Why could I not be more productive with this extra free time? When would everything open again? Was I supposed to stay home all day? Would school ever be face to face again?
After finally arriving back in my home state, in my parents’ house, I found myself constantly scrolling through Facebook and other social media outlets. Aside from that, binging TV shows became a normal occurrence. I simply could not get myself to do anything else which ultimately worsened my frustration. It was this loop of laziness, being unproductive and then feeling anger towards myself. It was an unhealthy system, but I did not know what I could do.
One day, as I was talking to a friend on the phone, they said something that profoundly changed the way I viewed my situation. As I complained over my frustration and lack of productivity, they remarked two words — “It’s OK.”
As we talked they spoke about how these are truly unprecedented times. We are experiencing a rapid change that requires some getting used to — and that’s OK! It is alright to be uncertain and sometimes we do lose focus. In this situation, it’s actually completely plausible that someone would feel a lack of motivation. There was simply no need for me to be beating myself up over it.
His words were incredibly helpful and I found myself feeling like a heavy burden had just been lifted. From then on, I tried to shift my focus from being frustrated with my lack of productivity to accepting the situation. I wasn’t angry with myself anymore. I had compassion for myself, and once that happened, everything changed. My outlook was brighter and my motivation came back…slowly. But it was such a relief to stop judging myself and recognize the preposterous nature of the times we live in.
Anonymous